i think i have herpe
just one?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
