It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sex in a hospital.. check
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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