I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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