I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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