My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
