Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
