I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
