What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
