Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
