I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
