I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
