no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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