ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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