No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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