I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need water and some morals
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
