Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
