Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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