Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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