the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
