some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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