im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
