Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
two words...techno handjob
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
