I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
