I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I touched a dick in church today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
