girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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