I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
