I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
