this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
