I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
