Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
