We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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