apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
