wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
