it's too hot outside to masturbate.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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