I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
