he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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