I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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