Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
