It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
