He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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