I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize