I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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