final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had to cum in my sink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
