I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
