i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
