singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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