dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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