I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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