Non-Jews are for practice
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
