He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
