yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
