Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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