toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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