woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
