that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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