Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
