He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
