I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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