You're completely useless in the revolution.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
