Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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