Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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