So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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