hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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