Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
