My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize