low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
