you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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