I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
