he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
