Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
