I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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