i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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