what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
