my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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