You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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