How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
