drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
