In the future we'll all be gay
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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