Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
