Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
