I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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