So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
