its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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