While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
