I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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