But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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