Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
