I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
