They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
